We have all heard that voice.
The one that whispers, “Maybe it’s not that bad.”
Mostly when your chest tightens at the thought of Monday morning, and when your energy fades and the joy slips from work that once meant something.
There’s a strange comfort in resistance.
Even when it hurts. Even when the pattern has clearly run its course.
I once worked with a client who knew he had outgrown his job. We talked through the stress, the long hours, and the slow erosion of meaning that sets in when your work no longer reflects your values. He agreed with everything. Then he said:
“I don’t know… maybe it’s not that bad.”
That sentence was whispered by that voice.
What Resistance Is Really Doing
Resistance is not laziness, weakness, or failure. It is the brain protect itself.
The brain favors the known. The basal ganglia, which helps form habits, works alongside the amygdala, which scans for threats. Together, they lean toward the predictable. Even if that predictability causes pain, it still feels safer than uncertainty.
This is part of why people stay in patterns that no longer serve them. They may know better, and yet the familiar still feels like home.
A study in Nature Neuroscience found that dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, does not just respond to pleasure. It also responds to correct prediction. So when you expect discomfort and receive it, your brain marks that as a win.
This reinforces the feeling that staying stuck is safety.
The Role of Identity
Resistance often protects identity more than it protects safety.
You may have built an identity around being the reliable one, the achiever, the one who holds it all together. Walking away from a role or habit, even when it is painful, can feel like abandoning part of yourself.
Many people feel stuck in jobs, relationships, or ways of living because the current version of them was formed around those conditions. Letting go means facing the unknown and asking:
“Who am I if I am no longer ________?”
That is a powerful that can keep you anchored longer than external circumstance.
When Change Actually Begins
Change begins with awareness.
There is a part of you that wants you stay stuck, just a little longer.
The moment you notice the quiet lie, you are already starting to move.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, this is called cognitive defusion. It means seeing your thoughts as thoughts, not instructions. You notice them and give them a name. You no longer automatically obey them.
When you say, “Maybe it’s not that bad,” pause long enough to ask whether that is true. And then notice that something new begins.
It will likely feel like a small shift. You might be tempted to ignore it. That is the part that wants to stay stuck taking to you.
Questions That Open the Door
If you find yourself stuck in a this place, you do not need to push. Just begin by asking better questions.
- Where am I pretending it’s not that bad?
- What version of myself am I protecting by staying the same?
- What am I afraid I might lose if I move forward?
- What truth have I already sensed but not admitted?
- What new identity might be possible if I stopped defending the old one?
These questions invite a more honest and powerful answer.
Final Thoughts
Resistance is a signal, that points to the tension between what you have known and what you are becoming.
Notice this signal. It may whisper to you. The longer you ignore it, the louder it will get.
Sources and Further Reading
- Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press
- Schultz, W. (2000). “Multiple reward signals in the brain.” Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 1(3), 199–207
- Hayes, S. C., et al. (1999). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press